mayamaia | Not every memory is worth it.

That was a scary moment.

I was leaning against the wall, in a good mood cause it felt nice. So I started to remember leaning against Jeff in Vallco during the day before he broke up with me, when I started shaking from relief that he smelled right because I had just figured out that other men just smelled *wrong*.

I am very, very glad that I caught myself and shut the memory down. I am very glad that I could. As it is I want to cry. But I could have ended up in a very very bad place, because that day all the cracks that had been blooming in my mind for months spiderwebbed and I shattered. I don't need to live through the nervous breakdown again.

Sometimes I hate having this kind of memory. Being possessed by the past just... *shakes head*