mayamaia | On one's story

I can't remember when it was good
Moments of happiness elude
Maybe I just misunderstood
All of the love we left behind
Watching the flashbacks intertwine
Memories I will never find - Muse: Falling Away With You

My sister Victoria recently talked to me about the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves that shape our lives. Hers was... pretty depressing: "Things never work out the way I want them to, but I have to keep trying."

So. My life from ... about the middle of elementary school until now is describable as the following story:

I will be hurt, badly, but I will survive or conquer it with help from people who matter to me.

It's a fairly optimistic story in that it entails some form of success with time every time, but it also means the accumulation of a lot of really painful memories. It also depends heavily on very close friendships and even if my personality didn't strain them, distance or depression do.

I've had a creeping restlessness ever since things started to get really bad last January. I think I want to change my story, but I don't really know what to change it to or how...