Snow Queen

[mayamaia]

"You can't wrap a hug in words and send it through email. But you can send a fist."

For some reason, this isn't entirely true with me. And I'm trying to sort out in my mind why that's the case.

I think it has something to do with something Jeff said about drama a year ago or so. "All drama is, is misunderstanding. Person A says something, Person B jumps to a conclusion and reacts, Person A gets offended rather than ask about it, and it all escalates in a huge spiral of alternating arguments and refusal to talk." (no, that is not word perfect. I'm not that bad.)

This is why I try to be scrupulous about finding out WHY people get pissed at me and about being absolutely clear when offering criticism. And because of it, I have a nasty habit of developing more affection, sometimes, at long distance.

Because it's less of a risk, isn't it? I don't expect much from someone who can't see me or touch me or hear my voice. I don't expect them to call me every now and then, or to hang out with me on occasion. Every little gift is an unexpected delight. It is very, very easy to be a friend at a distance, as long as the drama problem is controlled.

Comments

[calculusdude16.livejournal.com]

(I find it a bit amusing that I finally saw this post soon after actually seeing you. For all of 60 seconds, but still.)

I'm now thinking about the space between these two extremes. I have some personal examples: I have a friend over the hill who I call/text/IM with daily and see about once a week. I have, among my friends from my high school and undergrad days, a friend I IM with pretty constantly; she's really uncuddly anyway, so with her, the distance bothers me a bit less.

I actually have only two *entirely* online friends, off the top of my head.

[mayamaia.livejournal.com]

Well, over the course of seven years on Livejournal, I've accumulated three or four good friends I've never met in person. But they are pretty exceptional people.