![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I got into a big argument with Jeff last night, somewhat on purpose. I was looking for things not to like about him, and as he was feeling antagonistic and tired anyway, it was a fairly effective time to do so. The upshot is, I can't get disgusted with him or disinterested and I can't get my self-preservation to kick in to pull me away from him so... I'm going to do something that he hates. Which is try to protect him from me.
It doesn't come naturally to other people to bring him up, so I think I can make myself forget him. I've done this sort of thing before to get rid of habits, if never on such a scale, but the principle should be the same. Think of it as a form of self-hypnosis, or as the game where you don't think about purple giraffes. Do it long enough and it takes care of itself.
The name is the first thing to go, since it plays the key. Any mention of him in the first weeks will mean I have to start over.
It's not permanent, but I'm hoping for a year - at minimum six months without him. I don't think he'll seek me out, since last night I pissed him off enough to make him not want to think about me as well as making him feel a bit guilty. I expect the distance, once I remember again, to give me some perspective and him some relief - though perhaps the reverse would be more useful.
Into my heart an air that kills from yon far country blows
What are those blue remembered hills, what spires, what farms are those?
That is the land of lost content, I see it shining plain
Those happy highways where I went and cannot come again
It doesn't come naturally to other people to bring him up, so I think I can make myself forget him. I've done this sort of thing before to get rid of habits, if never on such a scale, but the principle should be the same. Think of it as a form of self-hypnosis, or as the game where you don't think about purple giraffes. Do it long enough and it takes care of itself.
The name is the first thing to go, since it plays the key. Any mention of him in the first weeks will mean I have to start over.
It's not permanent, but I'm hoping for a year - at minimum six months without him. I don't think he'll seek me out, since last night I pissed him off enough to make him not want to think about me as well as making him feel a bit guilty. I expect the distance, once I remember again, to give me some perspective and him some relief - though perhaps the reverse would be more useful.
Into my heart an air that kills from yon far country blows
What are those blue remembered hills, what spires, what farms are those?
That is the land of lost content, I see it shining plain
Those happy highways where I went and cannot come again
