Hiding the laughter

[mayamaia]

**************
Slowly, slowly returning to my previous state.
For some time it was easy not to fret
But still what lives in my mind lives in my mind
And once again my thoughts will turn to you
And yet again my thoughts will turn to you
And every time I try to stop their turn
The resistance grows more
And this is where the pain may find its source
Not in the thought
But in the resistance to thought
I would be better if I could feel right
To leave my thoughts to take their course
Yet for your sake I will resist
And for your sake I will turn round
And for your sake I make myself
To act and think as I would not
The thought brings me no pain
So please, please cease to wish
That I would think of other things
This alone is what hurts
To try to stop the waterfall
With nothing but my hands
Let me be, my darling
Let me rest
Let me love you
For I shall, always
Will I, nil I
Always shall.