Collating again

[mayamaia]

Not this:

"Let the worst happen, it won't break me.

Nothing could.

Not even if it was intentional.

He can't hurt me."

I think that's a deep, enduring thing. It was weakened, but here I am. I don't hate him. I haven't lost hope, just desire (and, strangely, the confident, cynical self). I am, in the important ways, intact.

But this:

I expressed doubts, many times. Last serious doubts voiced when I considered moving in with him after Amanda left. Jeff looks at me, slightly mystified at my doubts, "Francesca - you know that I consider this a marriage." Jeff, you know that I never intended to be divorced.

And he pushed me to tell him what kind of ring I wanted to make him. And told me he wanted to give me a ring to match my eyes.

He was gleefully picking the place and the date and the priest. He talked to his family about it.

Elisabeth points out that they never talked to me about it or tried to, that this may have been a warning.

one day of this was worth dying for... and I promise you you'll see the sun again.