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Skimming through livejournal again. I mean, more than usual. I have been since I started discussing things with Kaster. Not sure why.
He sent another email, and I sent another reply. And I had this uber long conversation with Jeff Mitchell about ... um, everything, I suppose. (Had been feeling odd about calling Jeff Mitchell "Mitch" again, but needs must.) I ended up asking him, at 2 AM, why he was letting me talk so much. He answered that everybody needs someone to talk to. Hm. I got the feeling that I was being rather silly and a bit hyperbolic, but he put up with it with... the only word for it is grace. Good man. Good friend. Starting to remind me of one of the best points of my past friendships. Trying not to think "It can't last. They always go away." I guess I'll just try to keep Stephanie in check so she doesn't pull what Terry did.
But that whole round of reevaluation has produced a few really good results. Not feeling nearly as guilty about Kaster as before (as is often the case, without knowing the other person's side, I default to blaming myself too much.) Stopped feeling angry at him, too, which was going strong for a couple days. Re: Jeff Mitchell, some of the incomplete points from the breakup finally got smoothed over. Thinking of the Beloved Former in the same terms as a best friend. Starting to think maybe I'm not such a menace to male society after all.
Except I'm also not feeling any interest. Just lots of - rather simple and clean - admiration of Jeff. Mitchell. (Stupid degenerate state...)
He sent another email, and I sent another reply. And I had this uber long conversation with Jeff Mitchell about ... um, everything, I suppose. (Had been feeling odd about calling Jeff Mitchell "Mitch" again, but needs must.) I ended up asking him, at 2 AM, why he was letting me talk so much. He answered that everybody needs someone to talk to. Hm. I got the feeling that I was being rather silly and a bit hyperbolic, but he put up with it with... the only word for it is grace. Good man. Good friend. Starting to remind me of one of the best points of my past friendships. Trying not to think "It can't last. They always go away." I guess I'll just try to keep Stephanie in check so she doesn't pull what Terry did.
But that whole round of reevaluation has produced a few really good results. Not feeling nearly as guilty about Kaster as before (as is often the case, without knowing the other person's side, I default to blaming myself too much.) Stopped feeling angry at him, too, which was going strong for a couple days. Re: Jeff Mitchell, some of the incomplete points from the breakup finally got smoothed over. Thinking of the Beloved Former in the same terms as a best friend. Starting to think maybe I'm not such a menace to male society after all.
Except I'm also not feeling any interest. Just lots of - rather simple and clean - admiration of Jeff. Mitchell. (Stupid degenerate state...)
