Hanging suspended

There is that in everyone that reaches for others' touch. But it is not within me to want it solely from my efforts, my requests or demands.

Nor indeed, in anyone. But at times the need or desire is too great to simply wait, and then it comes in such a great rush that it overcomes patience or what appears to be common sense.

Jeff, poor guy, got a call last night from me. I asked, with a light voice, for suggestions as to what I should do today. But he so far misunderstood my request and my stumbling denials of his suggestions that eventually it became an argument - he made too clear to me that fact that nobody I truly wanted to spend time with was available, having their own lives. Indeed, when in the process I said they weren't, he said offhand something about what kind of friends aren't there when I need them. All I could think was, how could they know if I cannot ask.

I tried. I failed. I spent the day with a book and a sketchpad, and was peaceful. At least I apologized last night for my outburst, and before returning home today stopped by his work to give him something to drink.

But I was alone today, from a failure to request or demand the presence of myriad people who would be entirely willing, within reason.

Forgive me - it is difficult, with the prospect of refusal and rejection. Forgive me - I hate to ask, when it means putting part of my hopes out to be trampled. Forgive me - I should trust you better.

On another note, here's something precious and full of musical glory.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KSxo84Q9VXg&search=classical%20gas

Why I go barefoot

A verbalized version of what I gain from the action - normally just a sense of well-being.

************
Oh child whose tears fall freely upon me, know this, at the least. I will carry you all of your days, from your first steps to the similarly feeble tread of age. Should you someday fall so fast that I cannot catch you without bringing you harm, know that in the end I will hold you within my embrace forever.

Where you walk others have gone before and shall go again. Small and large, over years and ages they have passed over me. Time changes all things, takes all and gives more, only to take it again. As it is for me in my long existence, so shall it be in your few seasons. All that is given is taken away, all that is taken may yet be replaced. And in the end, I am here.

Child, truer daughter perhaps than you would be had I been your mother, do not hold a barrier so that you cannot feel my touch. I may not be gentle, but wherever you are be close to me and I shall give you comfort.

(no subject)

I declare that I know no high greater than that given by DAMN GOOD music. Not that I'd know, but....

Classical Gas. MAN ALIVE. I love this so frickin' much, and it's a nuke for a mopey mood.