Dzzh....

I'm slightly sickly, mostly due to uneven sleep for the past couple days. I intend to kick the sickness's butt in the next 24 hours, because I can.

But in the meantime, the fuzzed head is doing funny things with my memory and I just had a bit of dischronia again... fortunately, the fuzzed head is also making the impact of remembering when I am less harsh. Good thing, too, that was a very happy little anachronistic thought and it can be very disappointing to remember that things like that are years in the past.

My beloved do you know
how many times I stared at clouds
thinking that I saw you there
these are feelings that
do not pass so easily
I can't forget
what we claimed as ours.

Sorry, but no.

I was talking to Victoria the other day, trying to explain why I am the way I am. I kind of frightened her, I think. But I was only trying to explain to her that I'm not afraid of all the usual things.

I am going to live another 80 years, in all likelyhood. I risk nothing much, I eat healthily and live in a country with expensive but usually excellent healthcare. (Things go wrong, yes, but they are characterized by the great things that were being attempted; compare it to a place where they struggle just to get you checkups once every 10 years, with lines down the street for clinics.) I don't even drive or ride in cars very much. Whatever happens, barring major accidents, I am going to have four times my remembered life in which to experience it.

That is a very frightening thought; not what might happen in that time, but having to wait so long for something else. (Indefinite periods are different; they allow a more zen approach.) I'm the sort of person for whom races are immediately easier to handle once I know I'm halfway there. Pain is not my enemy; time is.

I may do nothing to shorten my time, but I sure as heck am not going to extend it.