Things that (despite efforts of denial) I still believe:
That Jeff is an unbounded good for me.
That Jeff is a bearer and gatekeeper of Reason.
That Reason is an unbounded good (for me.)
That I represent safety and home for Jeff.
That home will eventually be desirable for Jeff.
That regardless of whether he is home, it is good to know home exists.
I can deconstruct these into passive memes, but not eliminate them. The last, in particular, has enough existential semiotic weight to spell the difference between self-preservation and self-destruction in a crisis. I have never had enough self-referenced defenses to transfer the full weight of my depressions onto myself alone, and no other person is so conveniently out of reach as to leave me free under such a stark dependency.