Feb. 27th, 2013

So I have been concerned recently about staving off burnout. This is almost certainly ordinary depression. I don't even know if I would be aware that there was an issue except that Winter is ending and I am not making the kind of use of the daylit hours I ought.

Part of the issue is daily tasks. I can't seem to convince myself to do basic maintenance of self, house, and garden. I've even found it difficult to convince myself to brush my hair, which is generally both easy and calming.

Part of the issue is the number of regular creative endeavors I am involved in. If I fill the queues, I can spend a few hours every 10 days or so to maintain the two tumblr fandom communities. I have not been filling them appropriately, so they have become daily maintenance tasks and therefore something I find much more difficult. The two online RPGs I started in January are equally supposed to be daily tasks. Again, the thing I find most difficult.

And then there's the fact that working as a tutor is also a creative task, done every day except Friday when I am instead helping my grandmother... which involves much of the same sort of coaxing to believe she can do something for herself that tutoring does, plus some cooking. These are easier, perhaps because they involve so much one-on-one interaction, perhaps because the focus is not on me.

Every day I am supposed to do at least six separate creative tasks. I find myself wallowing in the transitions between them, doing nothing mindful. Which means that writing at the end becomes an exhausting prospect - one more transition to one more thing that will need me mentally active.

It doesn't help that I caught a cold that is probably actually the flu except I'm staving it off. So it wasn't bad enough to keep me in bed, but since I don't actually have days off it isn't really going away quickly either.

And it further doesn't help that my dad wants me to help him on my days off, so if I arrange for a day off ...it won't be a day off unless I lie to him.

I need to fix this.

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mayamaia

February 2015

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